Why Do I Care So Much?

Why do I care so much? This is a question that I find myself asking a couple times a year. I don't enjoy conflict...in fact, in all honesty, I hate it! I do my best every day, in all interactions to treat others with kindness and respect. I work to find the best in others and to see the silver lining. I genuinely try to be good.

As adults were supposed to grow out of caring what people think, right? We're supposed to be strong, confident, and believe in ourselves. When I'm doing some thing that others might consider different or odd I'm OK with that. I have developed that bit of confidence, and for that I am proud. What I am talking about is something a bit different.

The time when I find myself stuck and overthinking is when I feel misunderstood or like my intentions weren't fully or accurately interpreted. It is the worst when I think someone is upset with me - I just can't move past it. It can be debilitating for me. It becomes all consuming, I just want resolution. If I find that I have hurt someone's feelings, I am the first one to apologize. My apologies are always genuine, but people do not always forgive. Cognitively I understand that, but my emotions get the best of me.

I know, it's life, and people are not always going to understand why I've done some thing, or what I've done, or will be misinformed by others, and for that reason, I guess I might make someone mad (or worse, hurt). I will continue to face theses situations, despite being the best person I can...but here is my struggle, why can't I let it go? Why do I spend hours rethinking what was said or what was done? Playing over what I could've done differently? Even when there wasn't anything…

I guess honestly this one is still a work in progress for me. It is an area of vulnerability to share with you. A close friend of my suggested it has to do with the fact that I feel like maybe someone is questioning my character when they don't acknowledge how hard I work to not hurt others. That I am a fixer. I am a people pleaser. That I want to solve any issue placed it front of me. That I want those around me to be OK.... It's still an area in which I need to grow. I'm getting better, the amount of time and energy I spend in situations like this is lessening. I hope that I don't face another one soon, but if I do I hope to do it or handle it a little better.

How about you? Can you relate?